Closing Ceremonies

The Olympic closing ceremonies were a pleasing ending to an amazing two weeks. But when they doused the flame, am I the only one who thought the memory tower looked like a giant, flaming penis?

Think about it. It grew up out of the floor to 50 feet, then all these undulating people began climbing up and down the sides of it, a few people danced on the tip, and when it was all over, it shot confetti on everyone below. It was like China just ejaculated on the entire world. Well, there are a billion of them. They didn’t get that way by practicing abstinence.

I read the other day that after the ceremonies are over, the atheletes–who have a lot of pent up sexual energy–return to their village and have a big orgy. I guess the Chinese were just trying to get everyone in the mood.

I Heart The Olympics

I don’t like many sports, but I love the Olympics.  I especially love it when an athlete gets up there to do his thing in front of millions of people…and then he face plants.  Whenever someone spends 8 years training for one event and then chokes, I feel good about myself.  I screw up all the time–only I have invested a lot less time doing it.  Michael Phelps your day is coming!

Since the Beijing Olympics have started, I’ve learned a lot of things about other cultures, too.  First, it doesn’t matter how much money you throw at the opening ceremonies, it still gets boring after three hours.  Second, Americans are not the only performers who lipsync (I’m mean, with a billion people, couldn’t they find one little girl that is cute AND can sing?)  Third, Chinese gymnasts don’t bounce when they miss their landing.

This is also my first Olympics in High Definition.  If I ever get a chance to go see the Olympics in person, I’ll probably pass just so I can watch it in HD at home.  It looks that good.

Go America!