Have you even seen The Omen? Well, my two adopted brothers could kick Damien’s ass.
My mom and her husband Rex have had custody of them for about three years now. In that short time (which seems like a millennium to me), they have done things that would make Supernanny quit her job and go back to England.
They’ve dumped bags of shredded cheese in their bed, not to mention a couple cartons of pure cane sugar. Rex bought a $3000 HDTV. Within a week, the boys had drawn on it with crayons and magic markers. I noticed last time I was there that the screen is also scratched now.
Mom bought a $60 knitted blanket with fringe on it from Dillard’s. Later that day, she draped it across herself and took a nap under it. When she woke up, she immediately knew something was wrong. There were loose threads all over the place. To her horror, she discovered the kids had taken a pair of scissors to the blanket and cut it up into a hundred pieces WHILE SHE WAS SLEEPING UNDER IT!
Mom also bought a couple of foam mattress covers to make the boys’ beds softer. One day she heard them in their bedroom, laughing. That’s never a good sign. When she checked on them, they had pulled the sheets back, and they were biting mouthfuls of foam out of the cover and spitting them all over the floor.
Alex and Austin are seven and six now, and their escapades just keep getting more creative. Recently, they were caught swimming in the neighbor’s swimming pool. One or both of them climbed on top of a neighbor’s car and scratched the paint bad enough the car had to be repainted. The other day, Alex went down the street to go swimming at a neighbor boy’s house, despite Rex forbidding him to go. Whenever Rex discovered Alex missing, he went down there and brought him back. While Alex was changing out of his swim trunks, Rex told him he was going to get a spanking for disobeying. Not wanting to be spanked, Alex shot out the front door like a bullet and took off down the street in the afternoon sunlight, completely naked. Rex caught up to him about two or three blocks from the house.
These two boys may be the most spanked boys in history. Yet, spanking doesn’t seem to deter them.
Their latest escapade is by far their scariest. Mom was cleaning up their room the other day and noticed something was wrong with the carpet by one of the boys’ beds. Upon closer inspection, she realized the carpet was charred. She found two places in their bed room where the carpet had been burned. Then she found another burnt place under her own bed. The kids had found one of Rex’s cigarette lighters, and decided to see what they could burn with it. If there was ever an argument for her husband to quit smoking, I think this one should be it.
Tags: adopted, brothers, damien, devil, funny, humor, omen, spanking
